you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
