chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
