i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize