A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
