I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
