I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
