Screwed.edu
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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