come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
