Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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