this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
