Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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