I think I won the penis lottery.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
