I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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