I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
