Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
