I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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