I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
