my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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