Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
