If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
