Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
