i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
