All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
