i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
