i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My bed smells like the plague
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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