You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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