Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
