i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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