Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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