i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
