I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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