Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
