Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So many bounce houses so little time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
