No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
