if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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