I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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