At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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