I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
