You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
