I CAN MOONWALK!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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