He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
