the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
