I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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