We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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