I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
