im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
