i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
