All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
