there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
