alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
