i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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