I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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