Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
