i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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