His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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