Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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