Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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