My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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