i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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