we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
