there was a trapeze. enough said
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
