ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
