Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
