nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
