I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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